Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They are going to name an STD after you.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
