i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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