Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
