I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
