i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
