Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
