My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You can't special order awesome
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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