ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
