we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
