And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
