just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize