Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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