There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
