i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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