i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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