never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
