I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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