I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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