Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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