Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
