So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Randomize
