Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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