so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
