Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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