winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
