If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
