I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
