I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize