His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
