Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
