My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
