I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
