Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
they need to just BURY HIM!
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize