the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
