Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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