i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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