I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
