That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Randomize
