Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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