just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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