Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
