Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
