so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
