Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
