I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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