That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
