I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
