ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
