today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
