I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
sex in a hospital.. check
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
