We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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