Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
