Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Mom said you looked used
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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