is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
