dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
