we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
