Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
