i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just high enough for therapy.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize