I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
