I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
