are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
