Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Houston, we have a squirter
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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