dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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