My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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