i was rollin on her like bob the builder
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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